Goan Vibes, Parsi Memoirs
Explore a Parsi writer's memoirs set in Goa
Dear Reader,
We’ve just wrapped up Diwali celebrations and it’s been crazy busy for everyone! In Delhi, the onset of an early winter has triggered bouts of cough, cold and fever all around. Let me not get started about the smog that has been triggered bystubble-farming. Most days, I feel I cannot breathe. It gets worse by evenings. Let’s focus on positive things instead, what say? We could complain about everything or we can choose to feel grateful for the blessings we find in our daily life, right?
One of the fun-filled things I learned to do differently this Diwali was to make origami lotuses. Amidst few moments of stillness, an eye-popping burst of colour sprang to life from my fingertips. It almost felt unreal yet fulfilling, as though giving birth to life. The kind of art that could not be snatched away from you as each hue seeps into your soul. Yes, it is imperfect, as is everything human. The constant endeavour for perfection marks our soul’s longing to merge with the Divine.
Oh yes, dear Reader, I haven’t forgotten you. Maybe you are longing to read something more important than this. But the truth is that nothing is truly more precious than this moment, the present — which is in your grasp right now. Being fully attentive to the present moment brings the essence of life brim with clarity.
In October, an unexpected trip to Goa came up, so did a fabulous, must-read book titled, ‘There’s more to Life than a House in Goa’ written by Heta Pandit, author of ‘A Heritage Guide to Kerala’ and ‘Hidden Hands - Master Builders of Goa’.
For those who are curious about the Goan way of life, this is delightful book to dive into!
I was totally swept away by the sheer honesty and humour of the author!
While I enjoyed visiting Goa on vacations, reading this book brought a refreshing ‘local’ perspective about many unspoken facets of Goan life. I learned how everyone is connected closely to each other in Goa, and how Goans love their curry and rice no matter what.
With candid humour, the author shares instances of how Goans are caste-obsessed and lineage-obsessed, just like most of us tend to be!
All photographs in this newsletter are from my recent trip to Goa. Hope you enjoy the views:)
In India, most of us know that Parsis enjoy good food, music and they love to have a good time. But we don’t really know about their inner world. The author provides fascinating insights!
A Parsi woman marrying a non-Parsi means that she and her children will be treated as social outcasts from their community - as explained by the author whose mother is a Parsi and her father belongs to another faith.
Following their marriage, the author grew up without being ‘accepted’ by the members of her mother’s family.
“So, as a precaution, most parents will forbid their pure-blooded offspring from fraternising with pariaas, the ‘nons’ to minimize the chances of such dreaded events. I would not blame them really. The punishing outcome of being ostracized by the community is severe. When my mother decided to marry my father, her parents were so horrified that my their only child was to marry a ‘non’ while my father was away in the US getting a degree, they locked her up in the two-terraced rooms and forced her into marrying an elderly of the family, a pauper, nonetheless a Parsi….She stayed married to this man for a while, even changing her name to his as was customary…”
For children of “mixed heritage”, is it ever easy to blend in with everyone else at school?
I remember reading Neena Gupta’s memoirs, where she talks about how her daughter had to face many challenges at school. Her unconventional upbringing and mixed heritage wasn’t easy to navigate.
Children, as we know, can be sometimes cruel and heartless to each other.
I soon got used to the suffix ‘half-caste’ and ‘half-breed’ attached to my name.
‘Riveting’ is an apt word to describe the Goan way of life. I caught on to some interesting nuggets of information cloaked in sentences with wry humour:
Goan birthday functions are very special and different - you get invited only once and if you skip it or don’t attend it, that’s the END - you won’t be invited ever again. And if you attend the birthday, it is mandatory to turn up every year, whether you are invited or not, for the birthday function! The same applies to funerals in Goa.
A real shocker for outsiders: don’t be surprised to find human bones outside your door! Due to paucity of land for graves and church yards, the bodies of the deceased ones are often exhumed after three years and the bones are handed over to the immediate next of kin, who may have to put it out to dry on the porch!
Protest meetings in Goa are like friendly picnics. People use it as an opportunity to catch up with friends and familiar faces!
Family deities in Goa are treated like a family member with enquiries such as “Has he eaten?” and “Has he been dressed?” Sounds like fun, huh?
What a rollercoaster ride of a Goan tale!
Running away to an African country to get married! [This blew my mind, literally!]
Deciding this wasn’t the life they wanted with each other! [oh wow!!! - is that young love finding the courage to rebel?]
And finding frugal ways to survive poverty while living in Goa and scouting for odd jobs!
In the author’s words:
“When you are poor, you just ate what you could when you could…”
Finally, she breaks new ground as India’s first tea planter in Kerala and moves on to become a proud ‘house owner’ of more than one heritage house!
The book’s real strength lies in the honesty with which the author navigates life’s choppy terrain with poise, grace and dollops of good humour and genuine optimism.
Few good reads you shouldn’t miss
Creative Happiness and the Reset Button
World of Colour in Emotional Design
Writing for Friends Was No Dream Job
Amazing Stories of Lord Shiva
My happy moments in October-November 2023
Offering prayers and pranams at the divine abode of Sree Narayana Gurudevan in Aluva, Kochi.
Surrounded by lush greenery and scenic views, the Advaita Ashram is located at a picturesque spot and it is so quiet and serene for visitors.
Bask in the scenic views at the ashram in Aluva.
Listen to the silence.
Explore your mind.
Those who visit Kochi should definitely visit the Advaita ashram.
Being here was a truly humbling experience.
The sparkling cleanliness, the stillness and minimal ritualism added depth to my first experience here.